Tired….

Juz finished ah gong’s praying ceremony…waiting for hair to dry…den can head for a light nap before…let’s say a late dinner…hahha..

It’s a two day thing…last night my cousins, uncles taunt the night…played poka cards to kill time…haah..my cousin n I even played wif peanuts to keep us awake…hahha…guess the way we play…clip peanuts onto our face..hahha..gt a photo of mi..in her phone…nxt time gt le den poat it…haha…very funny…I grew a peanut beard over the night…wahaha…

We ordered vegetarian buffet for 2 meals in total..…nt cooked by a veg chef…first one was horrible…very salty…some more my relatives r nt vegetarians…so almost tarnish the ‘vegetarian taste’ reputation…we complained…den luckily today’s one was still acceptable…hahha…LMCB..if nt nxt time they might nvr wan to touch vegetarian food…phew…

The weather was very fine…haha..think ah gong sure around…both days gt gentle yet cooling breeze…first day gt rain a bit…realli lik spray a bit of water oni..didn’t even realise it till u walked in it..today almost gonna rain after we finish den bright daylight again for now…weird…:p

Been thinking to gt a flip phone or slide phone…slide phone screen big nice but need lot of electricity to maintain…flip cool but easily spoil…nvm…still gt time to think…

*Yawn*…eyes peeling…mind’s blank…nitez…

finally i got the permission to tak leave for nxt mon..to pray my aH GONG first yr...
luckily my doc still nt bad...haha...

time really flies...1 yr le...haven't seen ah gong for 1 yr le...

dun think i hav the face to c him too...rem when i was J1, my ah gong watches news everyday...
the news broadcast dat the A level results was announced...ah gong thot i'm J2...called straightaway n asked..
' ah B can go uni nt???' i still rem his voice over at the phone vividly...
yet...ah gong chose to leave during my a level prelims....if he's still ard...

ah gong gt qiu tao...i noe he'll b in heaven looking over mi....

wat i would lik to tell him is dat i'll nt juz give up so easily...tis may b my biggest obstacle at the moment in my life...
but i'll try ways to overcome it...i wan to live even better den before...more meaningful...
academic is nt everything...but it's sure part of my life n will b forever...
so...i'm nt gg to let go so easily...fan xia is sth dat i hav to learn...
in this case i'll oni learn hw to fan xia the failures before n pick myself up to face the challenge ahead...

noe it's easier said den done....but i believe...with my heart to it...i'll slowly learn how to...:p

My heart aches…really aches….y those ppl I noe n thought they’ll stay do otherwise…can’t they understand dat they’re juz contributing to the diminishing trend of seniors or participants hu r more proactive or in other words more ‘on’…

They kept saying they feel sian already…their heart’s ‘fire’ is dying…but is it true dat oni them r the ones….y can’t everyone put their hearts together…if dat ‘fire’ is really gg out…den the more we should stay together put our hearts together…I believe with each tiny spark dat is left in our hearts will b able to cause a full blast of fire ball dat will once again light up all of us again…

Pls pls…dun leave Hx…dun leave…

Nothing will ever b the same again without each n every one of u….

I dun wan the myth to happen or to even appear…ah xiu luo said there’ll b internal intervention…where bai yang di zi will b ‘tested’ by some ppl amongst…

I may tak everything calmly…I may look calm…but that’s oni my appearance…my heart is aching….badly…hardly…tearfully…

Tao yan zi ji de wu nai…tao yan zi ji de qi nei…tao yan zi ji bu zhong yong…ever since the incident that let mi grow…I lost my confidence…without the innocence thinking dat everything can go as u wish when u mak the effort…I felt extremely lost…

Without a stable study pathway…life feels lik an aimless lonely route…

Acadamic is not everything in life..i understand dat…perharps I’ve oni grown to a certain extent…oni seen the practical side of the world….but nt really adapted or found a way to accept it fully…haiz…hw I wish to b back at sch…

Work is never gonna b as fun as sch…I can put in a lot of effort n try to jing ye le ye (love my job)…but ppl might nt appreciate it…though I dun need ppl to confirm on my abilities…it’s juz dat ppl sometimes juz tends to find fault in u…or sometimes when u r juz a little careless it’ll b obvious…lik watever is done rite will b transparent…watever is wrong will b totally opaque…hahaha…weird description…

Actually…LMCB…the jobs dat I gt can b considered nt bad le la..till nw I didn’t gt any serious scoldings yet…hopefuly none at all…so quite gd le…

Fortunately..there’s my religion to reassure mi…being involved in HDZ (program planning com) gave mi a great sense of belonging…with this com n the religious activities I attended let mi feel dat without academic at the time being I am still of some use…I’m nt handicapped without studies for tis period of time….allows mi to change my perspective to taking tis as a short break to the forth coming studies I hav to go thru in time to come…

Without the usage of Internet daily at the tuition centre…I really miss the free surfing I can do…esp my MSN friends…haha…XJ, ZS, Ah Di…hahaha… almost everyday we chat…nw cannot chat…so sad… guess dat’s the power of computers…haha…addictive….:p

Gt so many things nt done…arrange my digital photos…deco n furnish my friendster account…republish my blog…post photos onto multiply…haiz…without a proper com…I can’t do them…guess all hav to wait…

at times, we tend to lose directions of one another, forgot each individual needs, lost the 'antenna' that we so often use to communicate with without a word...

eventually, we lost touch of one another due to various reasons...we thot we had somehow changed or rather became a totally different person...be it for the better or the worst..one that will never click back with the same old friend...

with a different mindset, we set out on separate paths to look for wat we seek as friends that will fit our now changed personality...found many...had loads of fun...felt lik a brand new person...a free man...

but y...y do i still feel so blank in there??? so lost??

we r so so wrong...it's not juz a wrong fragment of time that brought us together...not only fate is standing on our side...it's our very own perseverance n faith in each other thatbrought us tis far..

we r changing almost every sec of our life...nt only now...we c diff things...hear diff sounds...had diff thots....tis may juz b the biggest change of all that has caught our atttention...

U r U...I am I...

no matter how our mindsets change...we r still hu we r...tis has been set the moment we r born...

Jia...no matter how u change or will change...tis is all i hav to say...

it's hard to find someone that clicks wif u...one that happens to b able to endure and ensure long lasting friendship...mayb 1 in a zillion...

but...I've FOUND U!!!

we may nt agree or lik wat we do to each other at times...n tis is where tolerance faith n frankness comes in...

* XuAn * we're all coMplex humans..no anteenas...no understanding can b bridged without communication...

if we were to understand each other better n tis can continue for a whole life time...since we dun even understand ourselves at times wat's more another person...we hav to let one another know...be it repeating for million n millions of times juz to let the other gt it rite...which i somehow always mak u do dat...haha...sorry...

only thru communicationcan we noe or detect if our frequencies r adjusted at the rite channel at the rite time...:p

it's 10 days apart since i blog...haha..

making money or rather working in the society indeed is hard work cum a lot of perseverance needed...

there's nth dat's free in this world...

the gd side is...u gt to meet diff kinds of ppl...esp those u can click wif...so qiao dat i happen to meet a Vegetarian rite frm the first day of work..moreover..she's e one i first spoke to..haha..met many new friends lik...auntie Irenena(took care of us throughout the days)..Anna(the gal who very scare n concern of mi using the pen knife..hahaz)...Elise(the Bedok gal who is juz nxt to my counter..heez)...Yi zuan( hu looks n tok lik a Malay but is a pure Chinese..haha)...we all had fun in each other's company...lik blood brothers...coz we endure the pain, tireness, happiness...help each other whenever we can...hahaz...hopefully we'll meet someday or another...somewhere...:p